Take 20?

 I once weighed over 200 pounds. Might not sound like a huge amount, but I am only 5 foot and 1 inch "short" so on my small frame, 200 pounds is considered "obese" in fact, at 164 current pounds, and still just 5 foot one inch... I am considered "obese" according to my wii. I don't feel like I am or like I look obese, but my BMI is up there telling me that I am. I do not want to be. I have changed that before and I can change it again.

 Lets see when I was 9 I hit puberty. I got chunky. I do not know what I weighed but I know I was a fat little kid. My mom had taken me to the Dr. and they mentioned my pubescent boobs and I remember my mom asking "oh so that is not just because she's overweight?" Blah! Nope they were real lady boobs. Not just fat rolls up high! Around that same time, boys, who I told everyone were GROSS started becoming interesting to me. I was fat, though and embarrassed to be so. I talked to my mom and she got me on Deal A Meal, yes Richard Simmons... I followed those cards like my life depended on it, eating only what I was allowed. Once I realized I had given myself too many "Fruit" cards all along, and even though I was losing weight, I cried... I felt like I had cheated!

 Not only did I Do deal a meal, but I did "sweatin' to the oldies" as well. I lost weight. I think I got down to 100 pounds. I don't know what I had weighed, but I know I had been in a kids size 16, and I was now in a JR size 3/5 and I was 12 years old. I felt good about myself. Boys looked at me, and liked what they saw. I stopped Deal a Meal and ate like a normal teenager but I was active, so the weight stayed off mostly. I was about a size 7 and quite frankly happy to be there!

 Then I had my first child. I gained weight with the pregnancy but not so much. I was in pre preggo pants after she was born... but after she was born, I could not ride my bike to get everywhere, or go roller skating with my buddies 3x a weekend. I sat on the couch with my baby, and I played with her and loved her and I ate. Once again I got fat.

 I guess I didn't really care too much. I stayed at a chubby size 14/16 or so for a long time, then I had my last child and was at one point a size 18/20. Once I started nursing her, weight started to drop off. I lost about 10 pounds... Then I stopped drinking my soda (I drank a LOT of soda) and I dropped weight like it was nothing. Before I knew it I was 150 or so. I was happy there, for the most part.

 Then my son got cancer, and I gained again... Not all of it, but quite a bit. Then I lost again and was down to 131.0 at my lowest ever after kids weight. I looked great. I didn't think I looked great then, but looking back now I can see that I looked really really great. I would love to get there again, and I know that it is possible because I have done it before. So here I go, once again, starting the journey of weight loss!

 I am armed with many things: Wii with many games that are workout geared. Gym membership I rarely have been using, but mind you still have to pay for. Weights, somewhere covered in dust I am sure... I have a nice neighborhood where people walk all the time. Tennis shoes, among other things.

 I know how to eat, what to eat, what not to eat where not to eat... I have the knowledge to do this. Its the will power and motivation I mostly lack. I am not sure why. I want to be thin. I want to be healthy. That alone should motivate me AND give me will power but it does not.

 I also have a family whom I put first, I am after all, a mom. I still need to remember to take time for myself every day and do something good for me, and even get my family involved. I hope by posting on my own personal blog that I can track my progress, and possibly motivate others to come along in this journey day by day and get healthier and thinner and feel better about themselves!